I.
The scene
What's happening.
You ask, “How was school?” every day after school. You get, “Fine,” “Nothing,” or a shrug every day after school. You wonder if your teen is hiding something or if you've just lost the connection. Probably neither.
II.
The instinctive version
What we usually say — and why it backfires.
Parent
How was school?
Teen
Fine.
Parent
What did you do?
Teen
Nothing.
Parent
You did SOMETHING. You were there for seven hours.
Teen
I don't remember.
- “How was school?” is too broad to answer. It's the equivalent of asking an adult “how was your day at work?” — the honest answer is always “fine.”
- The escalating “you did SOMETHING” turns a polite blow-off into a confrontation about effort.
- Daily repetition trains the teen to give you the shortest possible answer just to end the loop.
III.
The better version
What works — and why.
Parent
Who did you eat lunch with today?
Teen
Sam and Lily.
Parent
What's going on with Lily? You said something last week about her and Maddie.
Teen
Oh my god, so — Maddie is being SO dramatic about the trip…
- Specific questions about specific people get specific answers. The brain has somewhere to land.
- Following up on a thread from a previous conversation signals you actually listen — which makes future answers richer.
- You learn more about school in this 2-minute exchange than from a month of “How was school?”
IV.
Memorize these
Key phrases to reach for in the moment.
- Who did you eat lunch with today?
- What's going on with [specific person they mentioned]?
- What was the best thing that happened today? And the worst?
- Did anything weird happen?