What's happening.
Your 16-year-old, two weeks post-breakup: “My ex won't leave me alone. They keep texting and DMing on different accounts.” You feel the parent-alarm rise.
What we usually say — and why it backfires.
Just block them. Why are you still answering?
I HAVE blocked them. They make new accounts.
Then their parents need a phone call from me.
OH MY GOD. Forget I said anything. I shouldn't have brought it up.
- “Just block them” treats a complex teen-social-graph problem like a single button. The teen tried that — and blocking is rarely complete on Instagram / Snap / TikTok.
- “Their parents need a phone call from me” is the social-nuke that makes everything worse before it gets better — and your teen knows it.
- “I shouldn't have brought it up” is the teen logging: bringing this to mom = social catastrophe. They'll stop telling you.
What works — and why.
Okay. Walk me through what's been happening — what platforms, how often, and what kind of things they're sending.
Texts mostly. Some DMs on Snap from new accounts. They're not threatening, just… constant. 'I miss you,' 'why won't you talk to me,' that kind of thing.
Got it. That's emotionally exhausting but not in the danger zone yet. Here's what I'd want to do — none of it without your say-so. One: document. Screenshot the new accounts so we have a record. Two: one clear, final text saying you're not responding anymore and you'd appreciate being left alone. Three: if it escalates after that, we re-evaluate together. What do you think?
Yeah, okay. The 'final text' part — can you help me word it?
Absolutely. We'll do it together.
- Asking for platforms / frequency / content separates harassment from messy from danger. Each needs a different response.
- “None of it without your say-so” is the magic phrase for teens carrying social-graph fear. They'll engage with planning when they retain control.
- Co-writing the final-text together is the parenting move that scales beyond this incident — they'll know how to write the next one themselves.
Key phrases to reach for in the moment.
- Walk me through what's been happening — what platforms, how often, what kind of things.
- None of it without your say-so.
- Document. One clear final message. Then we re-evaluate.
- We'll word it together.
